My Love and My Life
by Eirien-herves vuin
Summary: A year in the life of a Gerard Butler fan: Heather meets Gerry in NYC and a deep friendship forms. Soon a botched engagement, drug abuse, and her checkered past, threaten to come between their newfound love...
1. Chapter 1

*****This fic is for Heather...thanks for the encouragement, the friendship, and the laughs! Hopefully this is the proper place for this fic, it is a special request and she wanted it posted. *****

_**My Love and my Life  
A year in the life of a Gerry Butler fan**_

Part One

How could I have ever guessed I would end up here, rocking my beautiful infant son to sleep with his father crooning a lullaby close beside us? This past year we have seen such a tumult of emotional and physical storms, enough to set even the bravest of men to question their sanity. Where do I start this tale of love lost, betrayal and love found? Why, at the beginning of course…..

* * *

It was five years to this very day that I did something I have never done before. I wrote a "fan" letter to one Mr. Gerard Butler. I had watched every film I could get my greedy hands on because I simply loved to watch him play all his different roles with such passion and gusto. I lived to see interviews where I could catch small glimpses into his life; however, I drew the line at buying the "tabloid" magazines with their paparazzi photos and intrusive information. I belonged to chat rooms devoted to his work, and of course his looks……..*sigh*

I finally worked up the nerve to write and say 'Thank you' for all his hard work, plus a few other things-jokes about lawyers, references to camels, that Raoul was gay, etc. What I never expected was a reply in return….directly from him! And so began a lively correspondence that lasted a year. By then we knew quite a lot about one another and he wanted to meet me. I flew to New York and we met in person for the first time. It was incredibly fun!!!!! My job eventually relocated me to the Big Apple and I moved into an apartment not far from his. We became fast friends and soon best friends up until last year.

He's always been a flirt, but he takes dating seriously. He was dating when we met, but she didn't like sharing, even with the likes of me-I mean, I am no beauty queen and she was a super model, go figure. In between girl friends he would occasionally ask me to accompany him to parties. I could see the looks thrown his way, and felt very out of place, but, bless his heart, he never let on that he noticed. And he treated me as if I were the center of his world, if a woman came on to him; he gently reminded her he was with someone. Looking back, it was inevitable that friendship turned to a deep and abiding love on my part. I knew it wasn't the same for him, he still saw me as a 'best pal' but…I couldn't help it.

I fell deep, and hard.

I could pretend for awhile that he felt the same as long as there was no one else.

Until Felicia came.

She was a classic beauty, lovely in face, body, and sophisticated in mannerism…in short, every thing I was not. He fell hard for her Aussie accent and perfection, I…I was left behind in the dust. I rarely heard from him, months would go by without a phone call or invite. I felt lost, bereft, and grief-stricken as though he had died and I never got the chance to say good-bye.

Then one night I received a call that shattered my world.

* * *

"Heather, thank God…Gerry tried to commit suicide. It seems Felicia left him. He won't talk to me. Can you come right away?" it was Hank, Gerry's manager, mentor and right hand man. Fear and anxiety were ripe in his voice and it shook as he begged me again. "Please, you're the only one he's asked for."

"I'm coming right now" I replied as I threw a sweatshirt over my sleep-t and slipped into sweat pants and tennis shoes. "Tell him to hang in there for a few more minutes…tell him…tell him _I _won't leave him."

I heard a huge sigh over the phone. "You always know just what to say. If he can't see the treasure he has in you…"

I can't bear to hear this now, "Look, we're wasting time; let's talk when I get there." I hung up and stepped out into the night to hail a cab.

I reached the Hospital and, directing the cab to the emergency section, I got through the doors and Hank was there to greet me.

"He's this way; I'll get you through the security."

When we reached his cubicle I cried out involuntarily. He was lying so still, pale as death, with so many tubes and wires hooked to various machines monitoring his vital organs; making sure they were still working to promote life. My yelp must have awakened him from restless slumber because he opened his eyes with a gasp and loud groan. When I hurried to his side he raised pain filled eyes to me and slurred my name as though doubting his own senses.

"Heather?"

"I'm here, I'm not leaving. Rest now, we'll talk later, I promise."

"You…won't…leave…me…too?" his eyes pleaded with mine.

"I will never leave you." My eyes did not waver from his. A deep sigh seemed to emanate from his soul and at last he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

I motioned for Hank to join me and asked him to fill me in on what exactly transpired. "I'm not exactly sure. He'd been showing up at the set later and later, his moods had been volatile to say it kindly, and he talked about 'Felicia' as though she were some kind of…goddess. He was planning on asking her to marry him…" he saw me flinch and put his arm around me in a fatherly gesture. "Look, it's none of my business, but I know how you feel about him. I think you are what he truly wants and needs, he just has to figure it out for himself."

I blinked back sudden, scalding tears…I promised myself…I promised myself that I would not break down. "Hank, I have come to appreciate your wisdom over the years, but I think in this case Ger has made it crystal clear what kind of woman he wants to share his heart with…and she looks and acts nothing like me. He's made it clear that I make a great pal, but a lousy girlfriend. You know what? Even Ger doesn't know this; I made an even worse wife. I've got the scars to prove it. Every time I didn't do something exactly right, I got beat…and I got pounded on lots of times. So I'm gonna stay until he's emotionally and physically back on his feet, then I'm doing something for me. I'm going to go get a life, preferably one without Gerard _fucking_ Butler screwing with my emotions."

With this I turned my back on a stunned Hank and strode to the elevators in search of the café for some much needed coffee. I had a feeling my stay was going to be a long one.

* * *

He'd been sleeping on and off for twelve hours straight. I stirred restlessly in the lounge chair the nurses thoughtfully provided for me when they heard I would be keeping vigil. When he was awake his conversation was incoherent and painful to watch as he tried to communicate. The doctor said he had swallowed some pills and was being closely monitored for side effects. I got the whole story from Hank who had received a call from Gerry.

With slurred words he said Felicia left him and he thought he took some pills, he couldn't remember. He was crying so hard, Hank could hardly understand him.

Speed dialing 911, Hank met the ambulance at the hospital, then called me. I was puzzled by the whole thing. I knew that Gerry liked Felicia when they first met, that he was physically attracted to her and that was why they were dating; but the mood swings and showing up late for work was utterly alien to the friend I knew and loved. Also, though he had shown affection for Felicia at the beginning of their relationship, he continued to see me as with all his relationships, until…that night, the night he blew me off when we were supposed to go to the movies. After that, no more phone calls, no more pals…suddenly Felicia was his entire universe.

"What did she have that I don't??" I asked a sleeping a vulnerable man, the man that I loved with all my heart.

* * *

He'd awoken, finally, but with no memory of what transpired the night Felicia left. I ask him if he could have taken the pills on purpose, a fact he vehemently denies. The doctor tells him the name of the pills that were found in his system and he assures both of us he's never taken that particular drug before. A police search had confirmed that no such prescription existed in the house or at a pharmacy.

"It is possible then that Felicia gave you the drugs."

He's denial was loud, vulgar, and to the point. "She wouldna do such a thing, Heather! Why? Why do ya hate her so much! Do ya never want me happy?"

I sat stunned, here was proof of such a mood swing that Hank told me of, but the pain stabbed through me like a knife cutting innocent flesh. Quietly I spoke "Your happiness is my utmost concern, Gerry. I think you should rest now; you'll be back on your feet before you know it. I'm going for some coffee, I'll be back later." I hear him call out my name as I leave the room, but I can't go back with tears streaking down my face, not just yet.

* * *

Hank was on hand to help transport Gerry back to his apartment. I could see his exhaustion so I quickly relayed our thanks and got rid of all but the two of us. "Why don't you sit down, I'll fix supper."

Gratefully he sank into his overstuffed lounger. "Thanks, luv. You are an angel."  
I fix his favorite recipe I got from his Mum and soon have it ready on the table. "Ger, it's ready."

"Mmm?" poor baby's half asleep.

"Come on, you need to eat, a good stiff wind would blow you away." I help hoist him out of his chair and guide him to the table.

"Ahh, you remembered!" he looked surprised.

"Your favorite? Of course, what else would an incredible, wonderful, fantastically best friend do?" I bragged unabashedly, trying to lighten the mood.

"What else indeed?" his look was enigmatic as he began eating with more gusto than I'd seen thus far.

We were washing dishes in the kitchen when disaster struck, finally and irrevocably. He was remembering doing the same thing with Felicia and delving deep into a pity party when I finally snapped.

"Why don't you just WAKE UP!" I cried. "She **wasn't **the love of your life, she got you hooked on something, then tried to KILL you to cover it up!! Even the cops are looking into that angle and you have done everything you can to stonewall them. Stop protecting this homicidal stick insect and face the facts!!! You are human and you got taken for a ride!!"

My tirade was cut short by a blow to the face. The slap shocked Gerry more than it did me; I guess with my past, I was waiting for it. He began stumbling over himself with apologies until I held up a hand.

"It's ok. I'm used to it, just ask Hank. I'll let myself out."

Gerry's legs gave out from beneath him and he ended up on his knees looking helplessly around the kitchen. "Oh, God" he breathed. "What have I become?"

I knew I'd never see him again. I couldn't bear to watch one of his movies, or interviews so when I got home I burned them, watching my dreams and my life go up in smoke. Why were there no tears? Maybe I had shed so many long ago that I simply had no more left.

* * *

Gerry paced impatiently about the small doctor's office as he awaited the official tox screens of the night he was brought into the ER. He had confided in Hank everything that had happened between us last week and had paled when he learned of what I had confided in the older man. He asked him to contact the authorities in the city I had lived in and use connections to get him details. What he got was more than he bargained for.

_Heather was 19 when she met Alan, a handsome older man, nearing 30 when they met. He simply swept her off her feet, even charming her mother into loving him. Then, her mother suddenly, and inexplicably died, leaving her heartbroken, alone and vulnerable. In swept the knight in shining armour that carried her away to his castle by the sea, where canned goods had to be categorized in alphabetical order, and towels hung in the bathrooms just so, and fresh flowers cut every day, and the list grew and grew until the young wife couldn't remember them all and just kept getting punished again…and again…and again. Gerry was privy to the medical reports and the _photos…**god, the photos**_…there wasn't a spare inch of flesh that didn't bear a scar. He ground his teeth when he thought of how lightly he treated their relationship, of how carelessly he threw it away, for Hank had also told him of her deep and enduring love for him, the kind that is a decision of the soul, not an impulse of the moment. His memories of their time together were the happiest he'd ever had. To make her smile light her eyes…those eyes, you could see right through her. He held his emotion in check as the door opened and the doctor stepped in._

"The CSI officers have confirmed it. You were drugged by a woman who caters to rich and powerful men. They currently have her in custody. She used…" here he named a street drug neither man had heard of. "Apparently you were a guinea pig. It has the side effect of giddiness, a feeling of ecstasy, a rush of hormones that in effect feels like you are falling in love. The downside is extreme mood swings from euphoria to rage in a matter of moments. Quite literally she forced you to fall in love with her by feeding you drugs. When they got the data they wanted, you were no longer needed, so she drugged you, then made it looked as though you overdosed because of a break-up."

"This is madness" Gerry whispered, sinking heavily into a chair.

"Welcome to my world," the doctor murmured.

* * *

I moved out of my apartment in NYC in January of this year. I could no longer bear to be in the same city as Gerry because everywhere I went people would ask how he was, why he took a sabbatical from films, was he in detox…god the rumors flew like bats after dusk settles. The truth was I didn't **know** the answers to any of those questions; he and I hadn't spoken since that night at his apartment. I talked to Hank and he filled me in on the drugs and Felicia. I was so glad she was behind bars where she belonged. The cops were hard on the trail of the ring she worked with, tracing the drug to its source before it hits the streets. I found a great job and small but pretty little house in a picturesque town far enough away from the city for me to feel comfortable. I was sitting in my family room/parlor among boxes when I heard the sound of wheels outside. I looked up with curiosity, my neighbor and I shared a driveway so I was sure the company was for him, but he was elderly and went to bed early, so…my door flew open with a sharp bang. I jumped a foot and a half.

"Wha….!"I cried out in fear and anger. Then I saw Gerry. "My god man, you took ten years off my life!! What the hell do you think you're doing scaring me half to death!?"

"Me? Scarin' you? What didya think would happen when I come ta yer place to talk ta ya, and the landlord says ya moved out? No word where ya went, no word ta me or Hank…" here he begins to pace, his Scottish brogue coming out showing how agitated he really was. "Did ya think I wouldna worry about ya lass?"

I stared wide-eyed at him as he reached down and grasped my shoulders lifting me as easily as if I weighed no more than a feather. "Eep…"was all I got out before he started in again.

"I went ta hell and back wonderin' where ya were. After all I put ya through, all he put ya through…I thought at first he might have gotten you again. Don't ever, ever put me through that again, do ya hear me woman?" I dumbly nodded, after all, what else was there to say?

He held me still by the shoulders breathing like bellows, air blowing against my face, my hair. It struck me then that I held no fear of this man. He had struck me, it was true, but that hadn't been him, it was the drug's influence. He was angry now, furious with me, yet his hold was gentle and he held himself in check. We gazed into each other's eyes, his mesmerized me.

He gently touched my cheek where only weeks before his hand had landed a harsh blow. "Ah, god lass. Upon my mum's head I'm sorry for that." He gently laid his forehead on mine. "I have never struck a woman, I canno' fathom how this happened, especially with someone I care for as deeply as I do you."

I drew back "Please, don't" I said as I turned from him. "What…what can I do to make things right between us again?" His voice was pleading now, with undercurrents I didn't understand.

"Right between us? What is_ your_ version of right? I cannot go back to the way we were before, Gerry, please don't ask me to. It tears me apart to see you with the others kissing them, loving them and all the while I **burn** for your touch!" Suddenly I flew at him beating his chest with my fists crying for all I was worth, "I won't watch you give your heart away while you stomp all over mine Gerard James Butler!! I'm in love with you, and damn you to **hell **for throwing it back in my face!" I collapsed into tears as he deftly caught my fists and gently rocked me back and forth.

"Hush, now my Heather, hush." He led me to the sofa and cradled me on his lap, tucking my head between his shoulder and cheek, I breathed in deep, and god he smelled so good. He stroked my hair and shoulders until my hitched breaths settled. He tipped my chin until our eyes met and I was shocked to see his red and wet. "Forgive me for not seeing what was in front of my eyes all of these years. Lass, I love ya too from the bottom of my heart."

He spoke with sincerity as his fingers danced along my jaw line and threaded through my hair. A luxurious shiver ran along my backbone and he smiled for the first time in a long while.

"Like that do ya? How 'bout this then" His whisper was low and sensuous and he gently tilted my head as he slowly lowered his lips to mine and gently feathered them back and forth over mine.

His fingers found the sweet spot along the side of my neck that never failed to give me the most sumptuous of torture. Slowly, achingly slowly, he deepened the kiss, teasing my lips open and touching the tip of my tongue with his until I reached up and pulled his head down, thrusting my tongue into his mouth with all the passion I had in me. He responded in kind and soon our hands knew no boundaries and our breathing had taken on new life.

"Gerry, stop...please" I moaned. I had to take a handle of this before it went to far.

"Why?" his breathing was as ragged as mine and his hands couldn't get enough of the texture of my skin. "I love you, you love me...this is..."

"A disaster waiting to happen if we don't do this right." I took his face in my hands gently raining kisses over it. "I don't want to be like all the others Ger. I want to be wooed, courted, taken on a real live date!" I was laughing now, giddy with new found love.

His eyes sparkled down at me. He kissed me with heady thoroughness and said "Then a date, my lady, you shall have.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

The man of my dreams has asked me on a date! *squeeeeee* I truly never dreamed this day was possible, with a past like mine…and emotional baggage that weighed as much as a jumbo jet, a man would have to be crazy to hook up with the likes of me. I guess it's lucky for me that Gerry's kinda nuts anyway, 'cause we seem to be a perfect match. _And oh…my…god, the man can kiss_.

* * *

They'd spent a good many hours at that particular activity since the night he'd found her in her cottage. He was still afraid she would bolt at the first sign of trouble, and he was trying his best to convince her that he was committed to this new relationship lock, stock and barrel. He didn't even attempt to seduce her into a more physically intimate bond having sensed, and agreeing with, her desire to take things slow. Good things do come to those that wait…and the more the anticipation is allowed to build, the sweeter the release.

The way he felt about this woman was like nothing he'd ever felt before. He wanted to fulfill all her dreams…all her fantasies. His mind was totally occupied with her wants, her desires. He was unaccustomed to being so totally wrapped up in someone else's happiness. _Lord, help me not to blow it_… He made several phone calls over the next few days and arranged for their first official date. He wanted everything perfect. At precisely 7:00pm on Friday night, he had his limo driver pull into her driveway. The driver saw her poke her head out of the doorway and snap a quick picture of the distracted man in the backseat. Gerry was taking a couple of moments to collect himself…_why am I so nervous, this is just a date for heaven's sake?_ The driver grinned as his employer finally worked up the nerve to get out, and walk briskly up the steps to the front door.

* * *

I heard the crunch of the tires as the…_*holy crap, limo?*_…slid sinuously up the driveway. It gleamed majestically among the late model Fords and Chryslers lining the driveways and street curbs of the neighborhood. I poked my head out of the door a few minutes later, wondering what was taking Gerry so long. He was sitting in the rear seat looking unaccountably nervous, chewing on a thumbnail. God, he was adorable!! I grabbed my digital camera and quick snapped a picture, wanting to capture the bliss of this moment forever. The driver must have spotted me because he gave me an infectiously wide, laughing grin, which I returned in spades. Not two minutes later a knock sounded on my door and there was my guy; looking mighty luscious in a black Armani suit and white dress shirt, unbuttoned at the throat to show off the vulnerable V at the base of his throat. All I could think about from that moment on was nuzzling and licking that spot…

Dazedly I shook my head as I realized he was speaking to me. "What?"

"Are ya ready ta go, Heather lass? Or would ya rather continue to undress me with your eyes?" he was laughing at me, the rat.

"Oh, no…you're not getting out of this that easily big guy. I'm looking forward to a looong and expensive courtship." My eyes twinkled in merriment as he winced in mock pain.

"Exactly how **long** are we talking about, young lady!" I giggled at his teasing tone.

"Hhmm…depends on how well you spoil me." I reached up with tender fingers and ran them through his soft hair, cupping the back of his head and pulling him into a loving embrace. Our lips met in sips, licks and caresses, tongues dueling for dominance before I moaned and surrendered to him. He pulled me closer in a tight embrace and raised his mouth long enough to hiss my name through clenched teeth as he battled for control. Gently, he put me from him, and reminded me that we have a date to go on; and there were time constraints.

I grabbed my evening bag and prepared to follow him when he caught my arm. "I realized now I haven't told you yet how very beautiful you look. Luv, you fair take my breath away."

I blushed and returned the compliment before following him outside and locking the house up behind me.

* * *

I was very surprised when the limo driver took the opposite direction on the expressway from the big city. After travelling at least an hour, I questioned Gerry.

"It's not much farther luv." The driver pulled onto an off ramp that led to a sleepy little town. The town boasted itself as the "Rutabaga capitol" of the county, its downtown was a block long, and it had a tiny airport for crop dusters and private planes. It was to this airport that she and Gerry were driven. They were dropped off and met a man whom Gerry introduced as their pilot. The plane was a very nice one, I had no idea what the particulars were-it was all geek speak to me. The guys loved it though. Apparently Gerry had his pilot's license and was checking out the aircraft to see if he wanted to add it to the other one he has.

"Wait…wait. We're going up there? In that?" I guess my tone and posture must have radiated enough disbelief because both men ceased rhapsodizing and looked at me for the first time in a half hour.

"Sweetheart, we can't get to our destination without it." Gerry's tone was infinitely reasonable; evidently he'd dealt with emotional females before. He'd turned around again, continuing the preflight check with the other man, when he felt a trembling hand on his arm.

"Ger…I don't think…" I faltered seeing the undiluted joy in his eyes, he must have gone through so much trouble to make this a special night…I just couldn't back out because I was uncomfortable with flying. Ever since 9/11…a beloved cousin had been on one of the flights that brought the first tower down and I had had nightmares for years afterwards.

"What's wrong, luv?"

I melted at the obvious concern in his eyes. I shook my head and assured him that I was fine. Hopefully I wouldn't have an anxiety attack and completely embarrass myself during the flight. The men finished their checklist and we prepared for takeoff. Gerry allowed the other man to pilot for the first half of the trip, as he wanted to concentrate on the smoothness and steadiness of the aircraft on the journey. As soon as we taxied into place and began to accelerate, I could feel the nausea boiling up within me. My heart rate increasing, blood pressure rising, and breathing escalating all heralded a full blown panic attack. Gerry happened to glance my direction and immediately saw what was happening. Swearing softly under his breath, he grabbed the air-sick bag beside him and gave it to me; instructing me in a firm, but very gentle voice to hold it tightly to my nose and mouth.

"Breath normally baby. That's it. It's alright, I'm right here…look at me…yes, into my eyes. Breath…in…out…in…out." He continued this until I stopped hyperventilating and my heart rate slowed to normal. I removed the bag and laid my head back on the seat, suddenly exhausted.

"What happened sweetheart? You scared the shit out of me!" His voice was shaky as he pulled me onto his lap.

"I…I'm…afraid of…flying." My breath was still coming in pants. "I…had a cousin…we were very…close. She was…on…the plane…that hit…first tower…on 9/11. Still…have…nightmares sometimes."

His eyes closed in pain for me and all those who lost loved ones on that day in the city he'd adopted outside his hometown in Scotland.

"Ah god, lass. Tis sorry I am." The gentle words were whispered into my hair and I felt his tears as he held me in a tight and protective embrace.

* * *

Several hours later, landing preparations were underway and once again, I felt the panic rising up in me. Gerry had decided against flying the plane…he didn't want to leave my side at all in my condition. He relayed this information to the pilot and arranged for another time to fly the machine. He used the satellite phone to make preparations for the night as neither of us were in the mood to do anything more than sleep at the moment. When we touched down safely, I was at last able to look around and notice we were in France.** France**!! I looked at Gerry; eyebrow cocked in silent demand- _what the hell_?

He grinned. "It's Paris actually. The City of Lovers. Where else can I properly woo you?"

My eyes grew wide. This man was gonna friggin' kill me…Paris, for Judas' sake. I whooped and threw my arms around his neck as he laughed with joy.

As we collected our luggage, he had someone pack for me…_I hope they put in that little black dress_…I noticed a man dressed in crisp uniform holding a card announcing Mr. and Mrs. Barney Rubble. Was that a joke? I sniggered, and was going to point it out to Gerry, when I noticed him going up to the man and quietly talking to him. When he turned and gestured to me and our luggage it finally dawned on me that **we** were Barney and Betty. I tried unsuccessfully to hold back my giggles.

"What's gotten into you, lass?" my stalwart caveman asked.

Snickering uncontrollably, realizing that fatigue and nerves had brought about this condition, I nevertheless just ran with it. "Just wondering if we'll have to push our car with our feet, Barney. Hey, where's Bam Bam?"

His eyes sparkled down into hers. "He's with Pebbles, Betty. And, to answer your first question, no…**we**…do not have to push the car. That is why we have a driver." He loved this teasing, playful side of her and guessed that she didn't often get to indulge in it. _You just wait sweetheart, once your mine, you can do this anytime you want and not worry about getting hurt. God, I love you…_

They followed the uniformed chauffer out to the plush limo and climbed into the buttery soft rear seats. There was a fully stocked mini-bar and Gerry availed himself of a soda and handed her an iced tea. She accepted with sleepy thanks and leaned back, relaxing into the comfortable seat with an audible sigh.

* * *

I meant to ask him where it was exactly we were going; I knew it would be a nice hotel or something, but I just don't have the energy anymore. All of the sudden, I feel drained…of energy, of life. The emotional roller-coaster that has been my life these past three months have finally caught up with me and I find myself sinking back into melancholia. I am just sooo weary of it all.

I didn't realize that I had actually fallen asleep until the car suddenly halted and the driver door slammed shut. I jolted upright only to see that I had been slumbering on Gerry's shoulder, his arms around me, and his head thrown back in sleep. I smiled at the picture he made, mouth relaxed and slightly open; begging for a kiss. He looked so much younger with all the lines smoothed out and his powerfully muscled body relaxed in repose. I reached out and touched his face with loving fingers, calling his name with all the love and longing in my bruised and battered heart. He must have heard me because he caught my hand in a solid yet tender grip and pulled me inexorably to him. Our lips were drawn together as if magnetized, and this kiss was sheer carnality personified. His mouth staked claim over mine, as if to put a sign on my face saying, _Property of Gerard Butler…so fuck off!_ We were both completely breathless by the time we grabbed our senses with both hands and shook the hell out of them.

"Oh…my…god…that was…" I stammered. I never stammer. No one makes me stammer. This man can make me stutter simply by breathing…god, have I got it bad.

"Shit…yeah…wow." He tried to catch his breath. Damn, he'd almost lost it just kissing her! He smiled trying to imagine explaining to her why the man of her dreams was a three-second wonder when around her. Lord; hopefully, when they finally were intimate, he won't blow his stack while just kissing her! God though, she was some kisser…so giving…so passionate…he felt himself getting hard all over again.

The driver knocked discreetly on the backdoor before announcing they'd reached their destination and all was in readiness. Gerry gave a great sigh and lowered his forehead to touch hers. They kissed gently one last time and he opened the door to escort her into the most beautiful Victorian Bed and Breakfast she'd ever seen.  


* * *

"What do you mean you only have one room available?!" his voice was low so as not to cause a scene and embarrass her. "I called from the airport not two hours ago and was assured by you, monsieur, of two conjoined rooms in this very establishment." The quiet fury on his face made more of an impact because he was not acting like a 'spoiled American Tourist'. The concierge had the grace to look slightly abashed, but only slightly.

"If our accommodations are unwelcome to you, you are of course free to go elsewhere, monsieur…"

"I have half a mind to do just that…" he turned to me to see what I thought, but must've seen something on my face he didn't like, because his face grew softer…anger melting away. "No, no…we'll take it. I apologize for my outburst, please, we will be happy to take the room."

The man was taken aback at the younger man's change of heart and subsequent apology… he also had been at fault. "Non…non monsieur. Pray forgive me also. I spoke without knowing when we conversed earlier. It is as much my fault as yours. I will make a discount for your stay of fifty percent. It is the least I can do." Gerry smiled at the man and they shook hands, neither one knowing they had just made a friend that would last a lifetime.

* * *

By the time we reached the room I was nearly stumbling over myself in exhaustion. I took my bag into the quaint little bathroom and prepared myself for bed. Inside, I found my toiletry kit, several comfortable outfits, as well as the desired little black dress. I deduced that we would be doing some sightseeing while we were here and I wondered how long we were staying. I hoped I had a job when I got back; I still needed one to pay the mortgage.

Right now, I was still riding an adrenaline high and too tired to think, so that question could be asked later. Gerry has pretty much spoiled me now…no matter what happens, no one else can touch this first date so far! And the actual date hasn't even happened yet!!! After showering and changing into my sleep shorts and t-shirt, I crawled into the sumptuous bed and clicked off the bedside lamp. The room was lit only by the antique bronze lantern situated on the old desk in front of the floor-to-ceiling bay windows. We had cracked them open to take full advantage of the warm spring night and the myriad of fragrances from the back garden wafted in on the slight breeze. The wallpaper was a gorgeous example of Victorian gaudiness mixed with modern elegance. It had big fat roses in deep pinks and mauves on a lovely neutral backdrop of tan and taupe stripes. The linens and carpet carried the neutral theme, adding a cream color for brightness, and accent colors were of course the pinks, mauves and deep reds. It was a warm and inviting room.

I found myself dreaming a little that this was our home. That Gerry was my husband and he would come in soon, climb naked into bed, I would scoot into his arms and kiss him senseless. He would hold me so tight, pull my nightgown over my head and sit up…gazing down at my vulnerability with adoration and desire. He would tease me with lips and tongue until I begged for release. Then he would join our bodies in a dance older than time, the incredible intimacy would be wild at times, tender and soft at times, playful and giddy at times…but always, always filled with love. I never knew when daydreaming turned into sweet slumber.

* * *

Gerry walked out of the bathroom still smelling her bath soap. Lavender and vanilla…_who knew that could be such an erotic combination?_ He opened his mouth to say something, and then noticed her quiet, adorable little snores. She was fast asleep, a secret smile adorning her face. He wondered what she was dreaming about, and was glad it wasn't a nightmare. Grinning at the vastly appealing picture she made, all snuggled down in the cozy bed, he turned out the desk light and, carefully, got under the covers and pulled her against him. She moaned in her sleep and cuddled close, wrapping around him as though he were gift wrap and she the ribbon. One thigh was thrown over both of his and one arm snaked over his naked chest to pull him tightly to her. One soft breast plumped pleasantly beneath his armpit as she burrowed her face into his shoulder and…finally…_**blessedly**_…lay still. He'd had to practice deep breathing exercises and count to 1000 before his treacherous body could be convinced it wasn't gonna 'get any' tonight.  
After what seemed like hours…the peace of blessed slumber descended upon him.

* * *

Sometime in the earliest of the morning hours, Gerry awakened to the tensing of the muscles in the body of the woman he held. A low moan escaped her lips…_uh oh._ He pulled her closer and placed a reassuring kiss on the top of her head. She seemed to quiet then, so he drifted off. He was very nearly back to sleep when she screamed "No!!!!!!!! God…no please! Stop…I can't…please…it hurts…" The undisguised anguish in her voice sliced through his heart and he immediately began the attempt to wake her up. "Hey, sweetie. Come on Heather…wake up. It's me, Gerry. Let me see those beautiful eyes…come on baby. Come on, luv…talk to me…"

* * *

I was in the middle of one of my worst nightmares. I had a few, stemming from the time I was involved with my first husband, Alan. This one though, well, I'll let you be the judge.

**Flashback**

_It was a foggy morning at our beach house. He was a prominent Defense Attorney in California and very wealthy. His clientele could well afford him and he gave as good a service as he got. I was walking on our private stretch of sand early one morning when he came to tell me that he had an early meeting and had to leave, he wanted me to go directly up to the house…'for my safety'. I complied, as I always did, and thought that was that until…_

_Alan had come home in a thoughtful mood, which is never a good sign. He noticed a man on the dock next to ours repairing the deck floor. He made his way down to the area and casually struck up a conversation with this man, during the course of which it was casually mentioned that his wife had been noticed gazing out of the bedroom window...__**she's flirting with him, whore, slut**__...Alan had always had a deep conviction that I cheated on him at every possible opportunity._

_He returned to the house determined to punish me for a crime of infidelity that I had not committed…indeed had not even thought of committing because, after living under Alan's thumb for all of these years, I was desperately afraid of men…until Gerry. He came in quietly, checking towels, soup cans, pens in drawers…anything he could to fuel the rage already stoked within him. I was putting fresh flowers into an expensive vase when he stilled my hand and motioned for me to turn around. The utter control he had over his temper was uncanny; he had total control over what he did to me… He began innocuously enough, asking what I did here to occupy my mind, if there were any other things he could bring me if I were bored. I of course assured him that wasn't the case, uncertain of what could possibly have brought this on. His control snapped then and he punched me hard in the stomach, I doubled over crying out in pain and anguish. I was then slammed with the back of his hand across the face, splitting my lip open, and the familiar taste of my blood once again filling my mouth. It carried on from there, the beating turned into a rape, the object to humiliate and degrade me enough to 'discipline' me for not remaining faithful. My pleas went unanswered as my body and soul were violated in the cruelest ways possible. After enduring three years of hell, I finally escaped and flew as far away as possible from the s.o.b. With a full continent, a coerced divorce (evidently I have powerful friends as well), and numerous restraining orders, I've hoped to find some measure of peace at last._

**End Flashback**

Gerry succeeded in awakening her and to his delight she immediately threw herself at him. He pulled her as close as he could and wrapped her close. He talked, about his boyhood, his mum, his life in Scotland, anything he could of to calm her. Quietly she listened, and in doing so the grip of the nightmare faded away

When he began to repeat himself she tenderly placed her fingers over his mouth and said, "I can talk about it now…if that's alright with you."

He rolled onto his side and; head propped on one hand, holding her close with the other told her "go on, luv. I'm listening."

So she started from the beginning. He could feel the rage boil quietly as he heard details she'd never shared with another outside the medical or law enforcement fields. He could see the trepidation in her eyes, the worry that by exposing herself this way, he would no longer want her…and all of the ugliness she brought with her.

_Ah my love, it was his ugliness, not yours. Canna ye see this wee thing? _She was choking back gut-wrenching sobs by the time she was done; he sat up against pillows, and, pulling her onto his lap he rocked her gently in his arms; all the while whispering soothing words until she calmed. She lifted a tear stained face to his and softly spoke those three perfect words he'd longed to hear since discovering his own true feelings for her.

"Gerry…I love you."

With a heart felt groan, he covered her mouth with his in a sensual kiss that spoke of passion, need, love and dark promises. "Christ, woman…I love ya too. I was just too bloody thick-headed ta realize it."

He saw the dawning of hope in her eyes. "Aye, you heard right…I love you. I want a life with you. You are mine, and don't you forget it! But you'll have your 'first date' missy. I gave my word, and I won't be accused of goin' back on it."

Another slow, mind melting embrace had her squirming to get closer to him. He determinedly set her back, and then softly cursed when he saw the look on her face. "Sweetheart, no…I want you so much I can hardly stand it. Feel me…" he placed her hand on his heart which was beating wildly, then down to the fullness at the base of his stomach, the fullness that ached to be buried within her.

* * *

I was spent by the time I'd finished telling my story to Gerry. He'd been so caring, telling me all of those stories about the escapades he'd gotten into as a young boy; I smile to this day when I remember some of them. I knew if we had any chance at all in this relationship, I needed to tell my story as well, as it was instrumental in making me who I am today. So, I gently touched his lips and told him I was ready. He did something unexpected and…wonderful…then. He rolled over and held me close. I felt his close attention, I also felt…protected. It gave me strength to tell all of the horrific details, ones which until now, only doctors and police officers were privy too. He allowed me to talk, never interrupting, except to ask a pertinent question, his gentle blue gaze never wavering from mine. As I spoke, I realized this was the pivotal point in this bond that we have…and I felt a frisson of panic skitter down my spine as it struck me that laying myself bare like this could do irreparable harm to our friendship and any budding romance we may start. How could any man be comfortable around a woman with so many scars in her past? How could he want me when there was such ugliness inside…? He must've read the expression on my face…how does he do that?...because he reached out and cupped my face, silently telling me to continue. I did, but by the time I was done I could no longer hold back the tears.

He sat up, and scooped me onto his lap; gently rocking me and making soothing noises. I realized then that it no longer mattered to me if he made a profession of love first or if he wooed me properly, or if he even fell in love with me at all. I loved this man, wildly, crazily and wholeheartedly for as long as I live. And should he never return it, I will still love him…as a choice of my will and my heart. With tears streaking down my face I looked up into his dear face and softly stated my vow. "Gerry…I love you."

The expression that greeted me was amazing! A light seemed to blaze in his eyes and he caught me close with a guttural moan. "Christ woman! I luv ya too. I was just too bloody thick-headed ta realize it!"

I stared at him, hope drowning out every other emotion, a smile slowly spreading. "Aye, you heard right…I love you. I want a life with you. You are mine, and don't you forget it! But you'll have your 'first date' missy. I gave my word, and I won't be accused of goin' back on it."

He insisted that we go back to sleep so we could be refreshed enough for that first date the next day. I smiled and cuddled into him again, both of us falling into the arms of Morpheus as peacefully as babes in arms.


	3. Chapter 3

_Part 3_

I woke incredibly rested and refreshed, lying against something warm, firm…and incredibly, undeniably male. An involuntary purr of pleasure hummed from my throat as I stretched in the sheer bliss of simply being alive. A warm, strong arm wrapped about me securely and pulled me into a loving embrace.

"Mmmm…morning luv. I could definitely get used to wakin' up next to you every day." His voice was a sleepy, sexy rasp in my ear that made me shiver delicately all the way to my toes. God, me too… I gasped as his talented mouth found an earlobe and began to nibble. He was a quick study, part of his enormous success as an actor, and found all of my rated PG erogenous zones quite quickly…damn his hide. Not that I'm complaining…much…_oh, god that feels so…good_. He grew tired of the ear and moved on to the side of my neck, a spot that was sure to hit a sensual nerve. He loved it when I writhed against him and moaned his name.

Just when things were about to get interesting, he gave me one last passionate kiss…and dumped me out of bed.

"Wha…what the **hell** ?!" I demanded, although it's hard to look intimidating when you're spread eagle on the floor, wearing only a t-shirt, and the man you love is whooping it up on the bed.

"You are no' ta tempt me woman! We are goin' on that date!" An unholy gleam still shone in his eyes, but when he spoke again it was gentle. "Get in the shower with ya. I'll no' be responsible for wha' I do if ya don't."

I stared at him for a second with narrowed eyes, contemplating the wisdom of an act of revenge. Then I thought, to hell with it, we both knew what we wanted and this was a part of it. I jumped to my feet and raced into the bathroom.

* * *

When I came out of the bathroom, I stopped cold; there on the bed lay a _**gorgeous**_ sundress made of lightweight gauzy material, in a scrumptious lemon meringue yellow. It had spaghetti straps and a darling handkerchief skirt…and oh…my…god, _ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod_…**Jimmy Choo** sandals?!? I squealed with delight and grabbed the golden footwear, dancing around the room like a giddy schoolgirl.  
Gerry walked in at that inopportune moment (read most embarrassing) and we collided, nearly knocking over a very old, very expensive antiquity. After he was through laughing…(what was so funny about it, I'll never know…I felt horrible!)…he picked himself up off the floor and insisted I get changed. So, I donned the new outfit and proceeded to_**dazzle**_ his ass speechless!

I felt like a princess in a fairytale that day. We visited the Louvre first and spent quite a few wonderful hours wandering among the priceless paintings and other artwork, discussing our likes and dislikes and finding many commonalities. A late luncheon was enjoyed at a sidewalk café as a group of street musicians played for tourists. The ambiance was perfect for lovers; the smell of the coffee, the romance of the music, the sounds of the pedestrians walking and shopping. I never wanted to go home. I'm sure my eyes were like a child's at Christmas because Gerry had an expression on his face like that of an indulgent father. I made a grimace at him.

"What?" he chuckled.

"You look like an indulgent Papa." I teased.

"You look like a kid at Christmas ." He teased back.

I shook my head at him. "You're incorrigible. I honestly don't know why I put up with you."

"I'm cute. And I have a terrific butt, all my fansites say so." He grinned unrepentantly.

I narrowed my eyes. It was past time to take him down a few pegs. "Hmmm…you have some appeal, I'll admit. As for the butt…that's still under debate, as I haven't seen it in person yet. And…might I add…neither has anyone on your fansites either, or do you have something you need to tell me?"

It was sooo much fun watching him turn pink, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to think of what to say without getting himself into a whole shitload of trouble…what can I say, I'm evil.

Finally, he replied "Well, I made a couple of movies where they showed me bum, but that's all, I hope you don't think that I do this with all my fans... Look, lass there's no one else I'd rather show it ta than you. Can't ya tell I'm mad about ya? I'd give anythin' to strip ya down and make luv ta ya all night long if ya give me half a chance."

I took pity on him, the fervor in his eyes told me he was done with the teasing. I cupped my hand around his smooth cheek, caressing lightly as I leaned in and touched my mouth to his in a warm invitation. He took my offer and touched a questing tongue to my lips. Eagerly, I opened in silent offering, accepting his plundering with abandonment. Teeth and tongues dueled for dominance before I completely surrendered with a sigh and a shudder, wrenching a moan from deep within his chest. We pulled away only long enough to switch angles for a deeper, more satisfying position, his hands thrusting gently into my hair to hold my head in place for his tender assault. I don't know how long we would've been lost in this moment of time, but the loud blast of a car horn startled us out of our desire.

Breathless, we looked around, afraid we made a spectacle of ourselves; only to discover that the French are very liberal about public displays of affection and tend to mind their own business. Gerry stood and held out his hand, eager to get to the next destination on our 'date'.

* * *

He'd packed before they left the B and B, so they traveled straight to the train station. They caught the next train out to Nice, and when she realized that they had a whole car to themselves…well, her excitement was contagious. Honestly, he couldn't remember ever laughing and smiling as much as he'd had with her over the years, hell, he couldn't imagine life without her. She fussed over the small couches, the TV, the refrigerator, and all the other amenities. He never noticed how her eyes turned different shades depending on her mood. He could never understand how any man would treat her with violence, he would chew his own arm off to keep from bruising her delicate skin. He knew she had precious little joy in her life up until now…and that would change, he took a vow on it. Her eyes would have reason to sparkle, he'd see to that. Settling himself on the small sofa, he indulged himself in the delight of watching her glow with happiness.

* * *

The coast was as stunning as I'd imagined. Crystal clear water under azure blue skies, the color of which was almost too vivid to be real. Gerry had made reservations at an opulent, but private little resort in a gated community that was safe from prying eyes. We had a little bungalow to ourselves, equipped with a kitchenette and laundry in case we didn't feel like setting foot in the real world for awhile. The main lobby had all the amenities one could want…a hairdresser, a grocery store, a bookstore, a pharmacy…and the list goes on. It was a little town unto itself.

We headed down to the resort's exclusive beach first thing. I felt decadent and lazy as I lay in the sun and listened to the wave's ebb and flow. The breeze was light, and the call of the gulls lulled me lulled me into an easy doze.

* * *

Gerry paused and looked up from his book when she gave a small contented sigh and turned her head. He grinned when he noticed her relaxed form, so sexy in her two-piece swim suit. She wasn't a super model, or one of those fashionable European stick insects that most actors go for…no she was the real deal. No plastic surgery, no fake parts…just pure unadulterated female. God, she made his mouth water. He itched to get his hands on her…in her, and everywhere in between. Closing his eyes, he clenched his teeth and hissed out a breath. _For Christ's sake man, put yourself together! Just get through these next few hours and…pray…that your torment will end.  
_  


* * *

Something was tickling my ear and I swatted at it, annoyed. _Stupid bugs_…a low, sexy chuckle rumbled close by. I blinked up into the face of my beloved. I smiled sleepily at him, not noticing the bemused expression on his face.

"Hey, handsome. Ready to go?" I stretched languidly and reached up to stroke a gentle hand down his cheek.

It took him a full minute to muster a thought beyond_ fuck me!_ so he had to mentally shake himself before replying "Uhh…yeah. We have reservations for dinner tonight."

"Alright, I'll pack my things." I sat up and began putting all of my things into the beach bag. Gerry put his hand over mine, halting my activities. Surprised, I glanced up at him.

"Lass…I love ya. I hadna' told ya yet today. I love ya so much." The sincerity with which he spoke moved me to tears and I threw my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life.

__________________________________________________________________

When she got out of the shower that time Gerry was ready with another outfit. He held up a powder blue evening dress with spaghetti straps and a skirt that fell above the knee. The lines were both classic and flattering. With it were paired another pair of designer shoes and a gorgeous diamond necklace.

She nearly fell over seeing the last item. "Oh…god. Gerry, I…I…I can't. I can't take this, it's too much. Dear heaven,  
are those real?" She reached out a tentative hand to touch, and then snatched it back.

He gently took her hand in his and folded her fingers around the necklace. "Heather, it's yours. You're allowed to touch it. Yes, they're real, as real as the way I feel about you…please, wear it…for me."

She stared up into his ocean blue eyes and dumbly nodded, emotion robbing her of words. He effortlessly turned her around and clasped the lovely chain around her neck. Leading her to the coat closet, he stopped so she could look at herself in the full length mirror on the door.

"Look in the mirror, luv. What do you see?" he asked.

"You. I see you." She replied. He shook his head.

"No. When I look in the mirror, all I see is you…a gloriously sexy goddess…who's all mine…" with that he turned her around and pulled her to his chest covering her lips with his own in a powerfully erotic kiss that had her clinging to him for support when her legs threatened to buckle and give way.

Her hands came up of their own volition and fisted in his hair while she gave back as good as she got. His hand slid down her back and ventured toward her thigh. Reaching his goal, he coaxed the limb up and around his hip with a soft silken caress. She moaned into their kiss at this onslaught to her senses, reeling under the emotions that he could conjure up with just his mere presence. Gerry groaned in response and inched his way up her inner thigh. Pulling their mouths apart, they managed to get some air before being once again drawn inexorably back together again. His questing fingers soon found the treasure he sought and to his delight she was damp with desire for him. Expert fingers manipulated an ardent response and soon she was writhing against him making hot little noises and rocking her hips in cadence with his finger thrusts. A heartbeat later she cried out his name in surprise and shattered in his arms. He held and soothed her, keeping his touch light and gentle; murmuring love words and holding her until she came back to herself.

"Wha…what happened to me? What was that?" she asked tremulously.

Gerry stared at her dumbfounded. "Lass, do ya mean to tell me ya never…didn't ya ever have an orgasm before?"

Her face grew pink with embarrassment, "I…I…that is, no…I never felt that before. I was a virgin when I married and after…he…hurt me…I never had_ that_ happen." Her voice was a mere whisper by the end.

"Ah, sweetheart." His tone was gentle and loving as he pulled her head against his chest and hugged her close. "I promise you, if you will trust me I will never hurt you like that…you will only feel pleasure with me, it will be my greatest honour to give you this gift." She gazed up into his eyes and saw the love shining in them and believed.

* * *

We walked along the beach toward The Red Door. It was a combination restaurant and jazz club. The place was hopping, and seats hard to come by so it was a good thing Gerry had had the foresight to get reservations. The club featured popular jazz musicians for entertainment so it was a place to both see and be seen. Diana Krall was delighting the crowd tonight and, since she was a particular favorite of mine, I loved every minute of it!

I could feel Gerry watching me intently throughout the meal, the sexual tension between us was as electric as it was intense. My heart beat in time with the music, the blood pooling in my loins making them ache with a need only he could satisfy. After dinner he stands, silently requesting a dance. Equally mute, I accept, placing a hand in his and rising gracefully. Diana began playing an old Gene Kelly song from Singing in the Rain, 'S Wonderful, and Gerry started singing along in his incredibly erotic voice that made me realize what the word 'swoon' meant. Dear lord, that man can make angels weep.

* * *

He sang to her as they twirled around the floor. Other patrons were made aware that something special was going down tonight, so they cut out halfway through the number and headed back to their tables. She didn't realize it, but the two of them were alone on the large dance floor, swaying in time to the romantic music.

_'S Wonderful, 'S Marvelous  
You should care for me.  
'S Awful nice, 'S Paradise  
What I love to see.  
You've made my life so glamorous  
You can't blame me for feeling amorous.  
Oh, 's wonderful, 's marvelous  
You should care for me._

_**Diana Krall**_

As the music wound to it's end she noticed the unnatural silence and glanced around curiously. He sank down on one knee and gazed up at her with suspiciously glazed blue eyes.

"Gerry, what…?" she reached down as if to help pull him back up.

He caught her hand and held it fast between his big ones. "Sweetheart, I have brought you here to show you…in front of all these people, how very much I love you. You are the sun to me, the moon…the water I drink, the air that I breathe. I would cease to exist without you." He let out a watery chuckle at the tears that began to streak down her face. "You barged into my life without a by your leave and I wouldn't have it any other way! I offer you my heart, my life and my hand if you'll have me…and I pray you do, because I have to have you or I'll die, lass…" his entreaty filled her ears as she quivered at his possessive tone.

* * *

_Oh…my…god...this can't be happening. I'm dreaming, yeah…that's it. If I'm dreaming…please don't wake me up_…she stared down at him, tears flowing unchecked down her cheeks at his beautiful words. Oh, yeah…she'd have him…for the next five minutes, 365 days or fifty years…however long he'd let her stay. He pulled a small velvet box out of his trouser pocket and opened it, revealing the contents. She gasped…

"Well, what do you say luv? Will ya put me out of my misery and marry me?" He gave her his infamous lopsided smile. "Come on, do it for me?"

She turned her gaze back to him, suddenly somber…tears drying up rapidly. "No." The implacable note in her voice told him she was deadly serious.

* * *

I watched as his face fell and pain laced his features. Then I beamed beatifically and calmly stated "I'll do it for myself!"

I took the box from his nerveless fingers and plucked the exquisite ring from its nest. Handing it to my dumbstruck fiancé I blinked and held out my left hand, "well, aren't you going to do the honors?"

Narrowing his eyes at me, he promised retribution under his breath, but his eyes twinkled with joy as he slipped the ring on my finger. I held it up to the light and was startled by the outburst of applause that erupted throughout the room. Ms. Krall came up to us and offered her congratulations, asking if we had any requests. To my surprise, Gerry said we had to be going so could we have a rain check. He practically dragged me out to the car and we drove through the night. Any questions about the destination went unanswered so I lay back and enjoyed the crisp night air.

Pulling into the driveway of a large expansive Villa, Gerry parked the car and opened the door for me. He rang the bell and waited in the entranceway. An elderly gentleman opened the door and requested our identities. I was agog at this individual. Was that a real live butler? As in 'the butler did it'? I kept up a running dialogue about it until Gerry laughingly told me that the butler undoubtedly would do it if he caught me gossiping about him. Looking at his tall, dignified, slightly creepy form...I shut up.

They were ushered into the den of Judge Rousseau, who was relaxing and watching news commentaries. "Hello, Gerry! How is your dear mother? It is so good to see you again. To what do I owe this visit?"

"Mum is fine, you're Honor. She sends her love and hopes you and Maria will come visit soon. As for myself, I would like a favor…" he explained in detail what he needed, then listened to the cry of delight from me and the exclamation of joy from the judge.

* * *

I woke feeling soooo relaxed. Every muscle in my body was mush, sinking into the bed, and luxuriating in the soft linins like an Egyptian princess with a life of nothing more than focusing on physical pleasures. I stretched with all of the elegance of a pampered feline…but froze when I touched the very naked body of the man who shared my bed.

I am ashamed to say that the primary emotion I felt on the morning after my wedding night was gut wrenching terror and terrible loss. I was convinced you see, in my fatalistic way, that Gerry and all that had happened between us had been nothing but a dream; and I would wake to my living nightmare with Alan. A strong male arm snaked around me and pulled me against a muscled chest. I jumped, expecting a blow or reprimand…something. Gerry must have felt my tension because he awoke and stroked a soothing hand down my arm.

"Sweetie, ya alright?" I didn't answer, and he tried to turn me around to face him. "What's wrong, luv?"

My eyes were tightly shut and I was muttering to myself "please don't wake up…please don't wake up…" Growing increasingly concerned he pulled me into his arms and whispered loving endearments and pleas to open my eyes and talk to him. Finally, deciding bold action was needed he simply captured my mouth with his in a hot, intimate kiss. With that he broke through my fear; his scent, his taste, his touch, all so familiar…so wonderful… He felt me begin to respond to his touch and he moaned in delight. The kiss turned explicitly carnal as hands began to wander and entice. I gasped when his fingers lightly plucked at my turgid nipples, enjoying the feeling of his broad palms deftly massaging the sensitive mounds. Tilting my head back I offered my throat in supplication for his exploration and he immediately responded. Nibbling and licking his way to my sensitive collar bone brought me shivering pleasure, something I'll have to thank him for later…much later…

My hips began to undulate with each brushing pass of his fingertips…god, he was good at teasing…my cries were becoming more insistent, more frantic… "Please, Gerry…touch me. Please…"

* * *

He could deny her nothing, especially if it's something he wants so badly himself. "Aahh…gladly, luv…gladly." His voice was hoarse with arousal and need.

His fingers slid down her stomach to the apex of her thighs and delved into the dewy petals. Her head was thrown back in surrender and a throaty sigh erupted from her as he generously used his talented hands. Leaning on one elbow he settled in to observe the beauty of watching her surrender to her passion. He stared down at her perfect breasts, at the lovely thatch of curls that hid her womanhood, at the exquisiteness of her full thighs and rounded hips. He was so hard he felt he could burst, but…she was first, always first. He leaned over and rubbed his lips against hers, lightly at first, then slowly deepening the kiss as he pushed his fingers deeper into her cleft. Her hips were moving now, pumping up and down with the motion of his hands, her hot little whimpers turning him on more than anyone could know.  
He found her special spot just inside her opening and slowly circled it, while taking one plump breast into his mouth and worshiping it in adoration.

The twin sensations of fingers and suction threw her nervous system in overdrive. She grasped his head and held on for dear life…_as if I'd ever stop, luv_…as he lavished her breast with the attention it deserved. He gave the other the same amount of appreciation before slowly…slowly…working his way down her torso. Her eyes flew open when he reached her bellybutton and deflowered it.

"Gerry…what…what are yo…oh…_oh my __**GOD**_!" her voice rose to a shrill screech when his mouth reached its final destination. Her hands pulled and pushed at his head, unsure of what she really wanted, before finally grasping his hair and shoving his face in her crotch.  
_  
MMmmm…oh yeah, baby…just relax and take it all in…god you're sweet_…

She shoved her fist into her mouth to keep from screaming as she felt the quickening beginning in her stomach. Gerry would have none of that, he pulled her hand away as he rose above her.

"I love ta hear you scream, baby. Never be afraid of me…" he kissed her as he positioned himself between her widespread, welcoming thighs and entered her with one tender thrust. She cried his name in pleasure as he began to pump heavily, lifting her hips and grinding her clitoris against his pubic bone. She felt the muscles in her lower region tense in exquisite agony and she gripped his shoulders for support. A mere second later she was flying apart, voice raised in triumph…his name exalted on her lips. Watching her take wing and fly brought on his own release and he pushed into her one last time, reaching for her womb, tensed…and emptied himself inside her. After, they were an exhausted, sweaty, joyous mess. They showered and fell back in bed to sleep again.

* * *

It's been a year and a half now. I won't say we haven't had our struggles. Gerry convinced me to give counseling another try…and I found a wonderful woman who has really helped me come to grips with my experiences with Alan. I've done my best to be of some help with Gerry's career, and Hank says I'm a natural when it comes to being Gerry's secretary. I say it's because I'm the only secretary he's allowed to sleep with, so of course he's going to give me good reports…plus, I think it's because he likes to chase me around the desk late at night too…

Uh oh…I hear someone. Yep, he's awake again. I'm lucky to get sleep for two hours at a time…but that's ok. This little one is James Gerard Butler, or Jamie for short. He's two weeks old tomorrow. I say he looks like his father, but Gerry insists that he has my beautiful eyes...I think that man is blind. Jamie does have beautiful eyes though.

Gerry's up. He came into the room while we were rocking in the big chair his uncle made for us. Jamie loves that chair…so do I. Jamie begins to fuss and Gerry starts singing an old Scottish lullaby.

How did I get so lucky? I look at my loving husband and my sweet little baby and I thank God for the blessings I have.


End file.
